I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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