the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
