im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
