Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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