that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
