I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
