u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
