he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
