heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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