do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
