some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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