anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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