Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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