How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
