I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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