just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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