weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
