he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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