Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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