there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
