Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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