We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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