Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
