you mean i was at the winter classic?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
