im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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