if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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