His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
