Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
