i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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