fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's