So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
