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• (559): View more from California

  So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best

  (310): View more from California

  and??

  (559): View more from California

  Cake is only good when you eat it

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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• (315): View more from New York

  can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (917): View more from New York City

  On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests

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• (979): View more from Texas

  I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.

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• (562): View more from California

  Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?

  (916): View more from California

  My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday

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• (323): View more from California

  All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again

  (424): View more from California

  I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"

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• (325): View more from Texas

  I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same

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