whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.