is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
