I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
