I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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