Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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