My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
