At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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