i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
