The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
