soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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