when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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