you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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