maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
