I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
