Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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