Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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