Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i believe in u and ur pee
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
