Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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