Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
