foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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