jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
