no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
