I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
