also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
