Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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