Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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