nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
