Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
