Small penises have feelings too.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
