OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
