I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
