she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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