So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Randomize
