I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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