we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
