Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
