Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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