It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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