dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
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i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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