you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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