like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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